30 Ways to Bring Back Fun Into Marriage

Text by: Kristine Lehman
Photo by: Dakila Angeles
Hair and makeup by: Rudy Adriatico


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There are those couples you bump into who always seem
to be in a state of marital bliss. These couples seem to have a secret
formula of some kind that keeps the fire of their marriage constantly
burning. Rather than wait around in not so blissful ignorance, I
decided to ask a couple I have long admired for their secret. The
answer was straightforward and rather curios—you have to work at your
marriage. Work is not a term I normally couple with romance, but that
very same sentiment is reflected by experts in the field. In their book
Hot Monogamy, Dr. Patricia Love and Jo Robinson describe two
types of romance. The Romantic Love stage—that dreamy eyed lovesick
stage—is where we all start in our relationships. This
adrenaline-pumping phase has us seeing our partner through not just
rose-colored glasses but rather through digitally
enhanced-and-airbrushed view masters. It is, sadly, an illusion.
However, the end of this stage usually marks the beginning of the
romance stage. This is where the real work begins. Gratifyingly enough,
if you start with romance in your marriage and maintain that attitude
throughout the relationship, you will become one of those couples
people sigh over as they watch you walk hand-in-hand down the mall.
If
you are starting fresh at this whole romance game, you may feel awkward
at first. You may be hesitant or embarrassed to express your intimate
emotions, but know this: Romance begets romance. Your relationship is
sure to blossom into a well seasoned love affair.

Share chocolates! The ancient Aztecs
did not allow women to eat chocolates because they were considered an
aphrodisiac. What better reason to open up a box together?
Splurge
on Swiss chocolates. Or surprise him with a bowl of M&Ms, after you
have removed all colors except green. True chocolate lovers say the
green M&Ms have aphrodisiac powers. If you want to knock his socks
off, make your own truffles. The love you pour into making it will be
better than any gayuma.

Send flowers. Yes, surprise him too! A
dozen roses for the man you love? Why not? Tie little notes of love and
gratitude on each stem. Give him 12 little reasons to feel good about
himself and your marriage.
Flowers reach
an all-time sales high in the month of February. If you’re on a tight
budget, go straight to the source. Stunning red roses are delivered at
the crack of dawn at the Dangwa Bus Station in Dimasalang, Manila. The
flowers come straight from Baguio. Be there before 5 a.m.

Catch the sunset. Race out from wherever you are and
meet up at manila Bay to watch the most peaceful sunset in the world.
Hold hands and walk along the seawall. Cap the date with dinner at
Philippine Plaza overlooking the bay. Or hop on the luxurious M/V
Tennessee Walker and take a dinner cruise around the bay. The ship
departs from the Hover Ferry Station at the CCP complex.

Over candlelight dinner, talk about the good old days.
Reminisce, giggle, and blush. Leave all the talks about the first time
you kissed, your wedding, your honeymoon, or your first home.
You
might want to prepare a few memory triggers to help him remember. Bring
along a few pictures or prepare a few “do-you-remember-when” question
just to get things going.

Celebrate your words! If you haven’t done so yet,
compile your old love letters. Bunch them together according to dates,
tie with a red ribbon, and put them in a pretty box or book and read
the letters to each other. You’ll be surprised at how marvelous you
will feel reading these letters again.

Plan Romance
Schedule a few minutes of quiet quality time each day with your partner to catch up on each other’s lives.
Dr. Charles Quinley, a veteran counselor of marriage retreats as well
as an experienced marriage and family therapist, suggests you make a
Romance Calendar. Ideally, you should make sure you spend 10 minutes a
day just to talk and listen to each other. Turn the television off, put
away the books and newspapers, and focus on each other.
The
10-minute appointment with each other may sound simple, but it takes
some effort to keep doing it. Dr. Georgia Witkin, author of The Female Stress Syndrome,
claims that the average couple spends only 17 minutes a week in
face-to-face time! The rest of couple time is lost on coordinating
schedules and dealing with the children. Remember, this meeting is as
important as an engagement with your boss.

Make a date once a week to be alone.
It does not have to be an extravagant event – take in a movie together
or go out for a quiet dinner. Keep the talk away from irritating
topics, and focus on interesting tidbits of the week in sweet, loving
whispers.
Schedule and commit to this date
far in advance. Take turns planning what you want to do that week.
Don’t squeeze errands into your date. Be playful and adventurous.

Plan a honeymoon trip at least once a year.
Don’t make your budget an excuse! Borrow a friend’s house and spend the
night. Just being away from your normal environment lends a feeling of
excitement to the outing.
If money is no
object, go all out and check into a resort for a week. Better yet,
scout around for off-season discount rates. Particularly romantic are
the beaches the Philippines is famous for. All that bare skin and
tanning oil do not leave too much to the imagination. The important
point is to go away together and rediscover the person you fell in love
with.

Be a Playmate
George
Bernard Shaw once said, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we
grow old because we stop playing.” This is true for relationships as
well. Don’t let your love grow stale by leaving out laughter, fun, and adventure. Wallow in joyful spontaneity.
Buy
a pair of roller blades and glide through the streets together. All
that falling and laughing will make you feel young again. Besides, you
can kiss each other’s bruises when you’re done.
Take the “spinner” off an old board game and label it with romantic ideas: give her a pedicure, give him a massage, be a slave for a day, etc.
Fight
the temptation to think that you have better things to do than play
silly board games. Time spent playing together, says Dr. Howard
Markman, Ph.D., co-author of Fighting For Your Marriage, is an “investment in the relationship.”

Try rock climbing. The buddy system need in climbing
helps enhance your bond. You can climb first while he belays, then he
can climb and you belay. Somehow, knowing that your life is truly in
each other’s hands builds trust.

Sing the night away! Never mind if
he’s no Frank Sinatra. Bring back old memories by singing your favorite
songs. Get a room for two at a family karaoke place and sing your
hearts out. Choose Barry Manilow songs and get mushy.
Family
karaoke entertainment centers have sprung up at the malls. These places
offer clean fun—you don’t have to worry about mixing with sleazy
company.

Rent a video, pop some popcorn, and get sodas and munchies together for an at home movie treat. Cuddle up while you watch.
You
can even set up your own movie festival. Decide on a theme—all Audrey
Hepburn movies, or the Star Wars Trilogy, or Woody Allen films, or all
Sharon Cuneta movies. You can have a marathon movie session or stretch
out the festival to several days. Have fun swooning over the screen
gods and goddesses or debating over story plots.

Have a pillow fight. The youthful fun, laughter, and
energy usually end up in pillow talk. Humor is the glue that holds
relationships together. Mario and Paz have been married for almost 20
years, yet their children still catch them tickling each other. They
begin with a simple poke, then all hands join the play; soon they are
both in stitches, laughing. According to Dr. Thomas Moore, author of
the bestseller Care of The Soul, when a couple can no longer laugh together, that means the soul has gone out of the marriage.

Do an exhilarating, heart-pumping sport together. The
excitement restores phenylethylamine (PEA)—the “love chemical” produced
by the body that makes us heady and lovesick. Try bungee jumping—it
will certainly give you the exhilaration of love.

Reaching for the Soul
Go for slow walks.
The couple that walks together stays together. When I asked my husband
who he thought were romantic, he listed the people we would see walking
together regularly. Whether for relaxation or exercise, going for a
walk together is another chance to bond after the workday is over.

Hold hands. Touching is so important,
says Dr. Zonia Tappenheiner, a marriage counselor and family therapist.
It makes a person feel loved, secure, and protected.
Reach
out for his hand while you’re riding together in the car, or as you’re
walking in the mall. Don’t be embarrassed to walk hand in hand into a
party of even as you go into your bedroom.

Look into each other’s eyes. The eyes
are the windows to the soul. Looking at your partner tells him that,
even if you are, say, at a crowded party, he is the only one you are
thinking of—not your hostess’s house, the buffet spread, nor a guest’s
outfit. The focus is on your partner.
You
will be surprised at how little eye-to-eye contact we have in one day.
Try it tonight. Look straight into his eyes as he tells you about his
day.

Become big fans of each other. Make it a point to
praise and applaud each other’s efforts. Whether at a family outing or
in a boardroom meeting, nothing can emasculate a man quicker than being
insulted or put down by his wife. On the other hand, hearing your
husband speak highly of you to friends and family can truly make you
believe that you can do anything.

Both sides need to feel appreciated.
The most common complaint among couples is the high-pitched lament “I
am being taken for granted.” Appreciated each effort. Take time to
thank each other for the little things that you do everyday—preparing
breakfast, taking the kids to school, or running errands.
Spend
a few minutes to remind each other of five things that you love and
appreciate about the other. Make a list and surprise him with it. Leave
it under his pillow or tape it on the bathroom mirror.

Break Your Routine
Go out for a movie.
Movies have never lost their appeal They used to be the high point in
most of your college date nights. Now that theaters are kept ice cold,
they give you another chance to keep each other warm.

Drive out of town for a day. Pack a
picnic lunch, get in your car, and point it north or south. Or, get on
a provincial bus and hie off to wherever you like. Don’t plan an
itinerary. Just allow the day to unfold.
If
you’re too scared to go without a plan, grab a travel guide to the
Philippines. The Filipino Bookstore and National Bookstore have a few
books you can choose from.

Try your hand at art. Buy yourselves
sketchpads or canvasses, pastels or paints and unleash your creative
energies. Work on one art piece together—take turns doing the brush
strokes. Praise each other.
When the piece
is done, hang it up in your bedroom. You can work on a series marking
different events in your life with different colors and strokes.

Watch a live game of his favorite sport. Cheer for his team! The screaming and the frenzy will bring you, your partner and the rest of the audience to a fever pitch.

Try a few nights without television.
Unplug the set in your room and fight the temptation to rush out to the
set in the living room. TV intrudes into our daily lives and takes up
most of our walking hours at home.
For a
change, play some music, sit by the window, and watch your neighbors.
Read stories to each other, or snuggle up for some pillow talk.