Murphy's Laws

Admin Number of posts : 528 Registration date : 2007-07-01

To succeed in politics, it is often
necessary to rise above your principles.

Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.

Success always occurs in private, and
failure in full view.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

If you perceive that there are four
possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent
these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.

Every solution breeds new problems..

If there is a worse time for something to
go wrong, it will happen then..

If at first you don't succeed, destroy
all evidence that you tried.

Whenever you set out to do something, something
else must be done first.

It is impossible to make anything foolproof because
fools are so ingenious.

If there is a possibility of several things
going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one
to go wrong.

Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad
to worse.

Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

Trust everybody ... then cut the cards.

Whenever you set out to do something, something
else must be done first.

Admin Number of posts : 528 Registration date : 2007-07-01

All the good ones are taken.

If the person isn't taken, there's a reason. (corr. to 1)

The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you.

Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.

The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional
to how much you love them.

Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.

The best things in the world are free --- and worth every penny
of it.

If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is
the minute they find someone else.

[b]Murphy's Military Laws.

Never share a foxhole with anyone braver
than you are.

No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.

Friendly fire ain't.

The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already
mined it.

The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody
else to shoot at.

The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely
your artillery will shoot short.

Incoming fire has the right of way.

If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.

The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.

The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned
positions.

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly
fire.

There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at
you, and miss.

Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the
combat zone, it draws sergeants.

If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

Admin Number of posts : 528 Registration date : 2007-07-01

Murphy's
Technology Laws.

You can never tell which way the train
went by looking at the track.

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with
confidence.

Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers
something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond
recognition.

Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.

The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental
solvency of the firm.

The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he
knows absolutely everything about nothing.

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe
you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to
be sure.

All great discoveries are made by mistake.

Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.

Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

All's well that ends.

A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are
lost.

The first myth of management is that it exists.

A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.

New systems generate new problems.

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything.

Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20
years make.

The faster a computer is, the faster it will reach a crashed state.

Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest
day's work.

Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote
the book or even what book.

The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult
for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.

To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the
longest and cost the most.

After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.

Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete,
two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under
development.

A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from
a simple system that works.

If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying
by the page number.

Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system
which depends on human reliability is unreliable.

Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into
a "Pearl Harbor File."

Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature,
volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn
well pleases.

If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.

The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the
competition already has the order.

In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totalled
correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday. The correct total will become self-evident
at 8:15 a.m. on Monday.

Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.

All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.

The only perfect science is hind-sight.

Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.

If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.

If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

When all else fails, read the instructions.

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that
will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

Everything that goes up must come down.

Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.

Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.

Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to
use it.

The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the
level of management.

Admin Number of posts : 528 Registration date : 2007-07-01

f you have to ask, you're not entitled
to know.

If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.

When eating an elephant, take one bite at
a time.

When working toward the solution of a problem,
it always helps if you know the answer

A memorandum is written not to inform the
reader but to protect the writer.

The objective of all dedicated product support
employees should be to thoroughly analyze all situations, anticipate
all problems prior to their occurrence, have answers for these problems,
and move swiftly to solve these problems when called upon. However,
when you are up to your ass in alligators, it is difficult to remind
yourself that your initial objective was to drain the swamp.

The best simple-minded test of expertise in a
particular area is the ability to win money in a series of bets on future
occurrences in that area.

No matter which direction you start it's always
against the wind coming back. [color:8ddf=#666666:8ddf] [/size]

The one piece that the plant forgot to ship is
the one that supports 75% of the balance of the shipment.

Corollary: Not only did the plant forget to ship it, 50% of the time
they haven't even made it.

Truck deliveries that normally take one day will take five when you
are waiting for the truck.

After adding two weeks to the schedule for unexpected delays, add two
more for the unexpected, unexpected delays.

Those whose approval you seek the most give you
the least.

Numbers are tools, not rules.

Numbers are symbols for things; the number and the thing are not the
same.

Skill in manipulating numbers is a talent, not evidence of divine guidance.

Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has
a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from
nonpractitioners.

The product of an arithmetical computation is the answer to an equation;
it is not the solution to a problem.

Arithmetical proofs of theorems that do not have arithmetical bases
prove nothing.

Trouble strikes in series of threes, but when
working around the house the next job after a series of three is not
the fourth job -- it's the start of a brand new series of three.

The integral of the gravitational potential taken
around any loop trail you chose to hike always comes out positive.

Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient
to exactly the point of most pressure.

The weight of your pack increases in direct proportion to the amount
of food you consume from it. If you run out of food, the pack weight
goes on increasing anyway.

The number of stones in your boot is directly proportional to the number
of hours you have been on the trail.

The difficulty of finding any given trail marker is directly proportional
to the importance of the consequences of failing to find it.

The size of each of the stones in your boot is directly proportional
to the number of hours you have been on the trail.

The remaining distance to your chosen campsite remains constant as twilight
approaches.

The net weight of your boots is proportional to the cube of the number
of hours you have been on the trail.

When you arrive at your chosen campsite, it is full.

If you take your boots off, you'll never get them back on again.

The local density of mosquitos is inversely proportional to your remaining
repellent.

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